Sunday, June 11, 2017

Squeezing the Joy out of the Plush Toy of Life

Dear Laws of Silence:

Sure, you may have heard of the soft-spoken and hard-drinking poet & novelist, but did you know of Charles Bukowski's sideline as a designer of "collectable" stuffed toys?

I didn't think so!

Apparently, "they" haven't released these in the US or UK so as not to damage Mr. Bukowski's street cred.  But in France, where the fine art of plush toy design is as revered as Camembert cheese and stripey shirts, they fly off the shelves like, um, wild horses running away over the hill.  Or something like that.  Models include the Impotent Old Drunk, the Scabby Crack Whore, the Unlucky Gambler and the Psychotic Hobo.

Now these are transitional objects to be proud of, to "de-simpify" your kids, who have no doubt been ruined by mawkish cuteness and glorified adverts:  in short, food for cretins.  Grab this bull by the balls and squeeze 'til it yells "Uncle!"

Or, as it would yell in France -- the talking bulls of  Limousin are legend:  "Oncle!"

Kind Regards,
Théophile Prades
Beaupuy, France

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