Friday, November 14, 2008

Sixth Foot Ashore

Only 3 days after discovering "meatometers", LoS has learned of a sixth human foot apparently washed ashore in British Columbia.

A brief timeline of the BC6:
  1. 8/20/07 – male right foot; size 12 Campus near Jedidiah Island
  2. 8/26/07 – male right foot; size 12 Reebok on Gabriola Island
  3. 2/2/08 – male right foot; size 11 Nike on Valdez Island
  4. 5/22/08 – female right foot; size 7 New Balance on Kirkland Island
  5. 6/16/08 – male left foot; size 11 Nike on Westham Island
  6. 11/11/08 – female left foot; New Balance on the Fraser River
DNA match feet # 3 and 5.

Curiously, all six feet were found in running shoes. The confirmed five were disarticulated (not cut) and clad in shoes made between 2003 & 2004, with the exception of the 1999 shoe on foot # 4. CNN suggests this is evidence that the feet belong to victims of a plane crash, but local news reports that this theory has been discounted by the RCMP.

One more grisly clue: a lustrative, footless body (male 5'10'') washed ashore on the Orcas Islands approximately 4 months before the first foot was found. As far as LoS can tell, the body has not been definitively linked to any of the feet.

We are still waiting confirmation that foot # 6 is not a hoax. On June 18, 2008, police were japed by an animal paw stuffed in an Adidas human shoe on the Campbell River.

CNN has a nice interactive map.

Previously on LoS:

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Jape Meatometer Lustration

HEY, HO, LET'S GO! Act 1:

"Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights." - Jonah 1:17

jape, v.
  1. To trick, beguile, befool.
  2. To seduce (a woman); to know carnally
  3. To mock, deride, insult.
1382 Pol. Poems (Rolls) I. 270 Sle thi fadre, and iape thi modre, and thai wyl the assoile.

HEY, HO, LET'S GO! Act 2:

"Then Jonah prayed unto the LORD his God out of the fish's belly" - Jonah 2:1

meatometer, n.
  1. An instrument for measuring the urethral meatus.
1898 A Handbook of Genito-urinary Sugery and Venerial Diseases ... an ounce of a five percent solution of cocaine, and a tube of sterilized vaseline ... the patient is put upon his back, legs slightly seperated, the meatus is measured with a meatometer (fig. 60.)

HEY, HO, LET'S GO! Act 3:

"And the LORD spake unto the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land." - Jonah 2:10

lustration, n.
  1. A rite of purification, especially washing.
  2. The restoration of credibility to a government by the purging of perpetrators of crimes committed under an earlier regime.
1875 Contemp. Rev. XXV. 256 The Saxon expends his lustrative energies upon his street and stairway, but never thinks of washing his own shirt.