Friday, March 27, 2009

All he wanted was a Pepsi

"When it was over, two people were scratched and bleeding, and the bobcat was gunned down by police in a parking lot on Main Street."

In the apparently escalating war between humans and the rest of the animal kingdom, things have taken a turn for the nastier as the animals have resorted to using biological warfare.

Take this story about a rabid bobcat who "terrorized"the town of Cottonwood, Arizona before meeting his end in a hail of bullets.

My god people, is there no shelter from this gathering storm? Even in a bar? What's next, pastors being mauled at their pulpits? Students gored as they make their way to and from classes? We shudder to think....


  1. Animal attacks at church? True story: My mom's at church, walking from the nursery to the service, when she spots a wild boar in the dirt parking lot. And the boar spots my mom. It snorts. She sprints in & yells, "There's a pig in the lot!" My buddy Steve F. jumps up from his usual back-row pew, runs to his pickup and releases his "hog dogs" who lunge forth and wrestle the boar to the ground. Steve leaps to action, literally hog-ties the boar while dodging its razor-sharp tusks, hefts it into a cage in the back of truck and walks back to the service while the boar squeals crazy. After church, Steve's back to the farm with the hog, caged and ready to fatten up for a good holiday meal.

    The pastor never misses a beat.

  2. And Steve F. was unarmed save for the hounds? Even with dogs, that's ballsy.

    Of course, attacks at churches and schools are usually carried out by the most vicious animal of them all....

  3. "The most vicious animal of them all..."
    Long Pig


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