Sunday, February 21, 2010

Spiritual Acessorary

I stumbled across a curious product the other night that reminded me of the rifle sights encoded with biblical references.

Now we try hard to avoid plugging products, literally beating off would-be pluggers left and right, but you've just gotta check out the online ad for the "Prayer Cross" -- a "spiritual accessory" which dangles from a necklace and is made out of "genuine, brilliant crystals" and features "a secret center stone". According to their ad:

"When [the secret stone at the center of the cross is] held up to the light, the entire Lord's prayer becomes instantly and almost miraculously visible".

Available in English and Spanish in both children and adult sizes.

This whole "secret stone" business really set off my radar alarms since I'm totally obsessed with the "fallen stone mythology" and since "secret stone" as a phrase immediately makes me think of Free Masons since they are a secretive group of stone workers (right?).

But setting aside this rich topic that I hope Daurade will pick back up, one of my first ignorant thotz wuz, well, when they say the "entire Lord's prayer" -- are they talking the shorty Catholic version or the longer Protestant jingle? Because obviously, cramming the longer version would somehow be even more almost miraculous!

As it turns out, the "secret center stone ... when held up to the light" displays the shorty version of the prayer -- i.e., no doxology included.**

So, if you're looking for your million dollar product, and you can write really, really tiny, here's your money maker: an even more almost miraculous display of the entire Lord's Prayer including the doxology on a secret stone in a genuine crystalline cross.

It would be an even more "perfect way to say 'Happy Easter'!".

And if that doesn't grab you -- here's another idea. Why not mount two of these puppies in a line on the top of your rifle. Peer through them until the text in the two secret stones lines up perfectly. The drop-dead center of the text is upper-left branch of the "V" in "forgive". Get that V on your target's forehead, slowly exhale while squeezing the trigger -- and the Lord's judgment will be realized.

For thine is the Kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.

** It seems weird that the Protestants tag a doxology onto the end of the Catholic's Lord's Prayer -- weird because the Protestants mostly drop the Catholic's ritualistically-repeated doxologies, yet here on the Lord's Prayer, they added one. I've no insight to offer on this point, but it sure is curious.


  1. Gid, you are a funny man!

    You should add WTF? as a tag for this one: "secret center stone"? "magic"? crystals? Sounds kinda New Agey to me.

    I once saw some Muslim prayer beads (misbaha, or مسبحة) which had a part you could look through into the light and see revealed an image of Mecca, like some sort of watermark.

    Religious kaleidoscopes?

  2. You have just outed yourself as ill-read, because they've been advertising these miraculous crosses in the Weekly World News for years now. :)

  3. Busted! A well-caught clue to my reading habits ;)

    I really should check out the Weekly World News website more often -- these foax rilly are modern myth makers!


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