Thursday, June 3, 2010

Speak of the Devil

Well, speak of the Devil, did you know that He's been recorded, the whole hellish minion, growling from the sulfurous pits?

Today we bring you mystery sounds from inner- and outer-space. We'll get to Satan's roar soon enough, but let's start with the beginning before we get to our end:

1. In the beginning, there was the Big Bang. It was, apparently, so flippin' big that you can still "hear" residual radiation in the static on TVs (at least you could back in ye olden analog days).

2. Now let us move on to the near present, but still in our solar system, where, in Daurade's words, "This is exactly what you'd expect Saturn to sound like!"

3. Even closer to home, NOAA brings you a local mystery, six unidentified sounds from the seas! (Although, not to be a party pooper, NOAA elsewhere reports that "the [mysterious] bong", er, "boing" has been identified.)

4. Another mysterious underwater sound is reckoned to be farting herrings, which has gotta smell better than this.

5. And from mystery, we move on to tragedy: There is, somewhere out there in the vast oceans, a lonely whale which has been roaming the globe for years plantifly crying out for a mate in vain, for it is dreadfully alone, an unidentified species, and the only one of its kind. A metaphor, I suspect, for Earth.

6. And finally, as promised, from tragedy, we go straight to Hell, completing our tour of everything from the beginning to the end. Back in 1989, the Russians dug this really deep well ... all the way to Hell! And amazingly, someone was on hand to record the the demons loosed to prove it! The recording of the "Well to Hell" was, of course, a prank, but it's fooled plenty of people, which is, I think, goddamn funny, although, as Daurade noted in an email, "Funny yet also infuriating because it feeds on ignorance and adds to it. Which wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact these people are politically active and get themselves elected, thus foisting ignorance on the rest of us, etc etc weary liberal bleating...."

I hear, incidentally and since we're listening to the Devil in this post anyhow, that BP stock has hit bottom -- better buy in while the getting's good.

But enough with the stock tips, sheeple, if you can take a break from making your moola, how 'bout sharing a tip with us?

What are, we ask, some of your favorite mystery sounds?


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